4 Fundamentals for Flirting

Flirting is a fabulous way to keep your relationship connection fresh, no matter how long you’ve been together. There are countless tips on how to flirt effectively, but with an understanding of the real reasons we flirt you can do it your own way without fail. Here are the fundamentals of flirting that will guide you, along with a few examples of how they work in practice.


1. Genuine interest

The most important part of flirting is to show someone your genuine interest in them as a whole person. This requires listening to them, accepting and appreciating who they are, and complimenting them on the qualities that they value. You want to make someone feel special all over, not just liked for narrow or shallow reasons.

  • Ask about an interest she doesn’t usually talk about and listen intently to learn about it.

  • Give praise for effort and progress on something you know he’s been working on.


2. Attraction without expectation

Of course, the interest you mean to show with flirting is not just a general curiosity, but a romantic attraction. Everyone loves to feel attractive, but not when it involves expectations, obligations, or distractions. You want to show them you’re irresistibly attracted to them but that you can enjoy that attraction without needing anything from them.

  • Check him out from head to toe with a lustful look and then walk away.

  • Send her sexy texts all day and then act completely oblivious when you see her again.


3. Fun

Showing interest and attraction wouldn’t be worthwhile if it weren’t fun. Try to keep things light and show that you want to give them laughter and joy, not just admiration. You want them to know that your desire for them is also a desire for their happiness.

  • Tease him gently about the ways in which he thinks he’s smart.

  • Show her an outrageous romantic gesture like calling out “I love you!” in a crowd.


4. Sensitivity

Finally, remember to keep your flirting flexible. Notice what your partner does or doesn’t respond to and what kind of mood they’re in at the moment. You want to stay sensitive to their preferences and needs, so that they know they can let their guard down with you.

  • If she looks tired after a long day, give her a back rub or some alone time instead of a sexual advance.

  • If he is trying to finish up some housework, put on his favorite music instead of trying to distract him with a funny dance.


With these fundamentals in mind, you can apply any number of specific methods of flirting. From simply listening with interest to posting praise of your partner on social media to making overt sexual advances, any tactics you use will benefit from a foundation in the fundamentals. Think about making your partner feel special, interesting, sexy, appreciated, happy, and understood, and you will naturally focus your flirting for a little more fun and flattery.